Crutches. Another Countdown.

The countdown is over after six weeks. Or I thought it would be. Now there is another, unexpected one. I am not able to throw away the crutches, but must use them for another 35 days. Unimaginable. Or at least, I would rather not imagine it. Or is it to be more valuable writing time? Time to read through the novel again. To continue revising short stories. Since I am able to go out more, I will do that, too, when I can find transportation. Even if I had a car I couldn't drive it as it is the right foot that is not weight bearing for now.

I hope friends will continue to drop by. The porch will get cooler, but fall weather is generally pleasant. I tell myself it won't be so bad, but I haven't managed to convince myself yet! Instead I am still sad and disappointed at this continued restriction on my mobility.

Maybe there is a poem I will write about crutches. Or a story. In the meantime,there will be photos! Oh, and I think I can do the cha cha on one foot and one heel, but it wouldn't help with the healing. So for now  I will resist the temptation to go dancing.
Posted on September 10, 2011 .

Banana Loaf.

Sometimes I've done all the writing I am going to do that day, but still want to make or create something. So most recently it was a banana loaf from the Comfort Food Cookbook by Johanna Burkhard (1997). I seldom make anything without some slight change. And although it isn't a very original change, I often add semi-sweet chocolate chips to this recipe. Some people also like shredded coconut in it.

 Banana Nut Loaf/Bread
325 degrees  9”x5” loaf pan, greased. Or parchment paper on bottom.
Baking time: 1 1/4 hours.

1 3/4 c   all-purpose flour        
1 tsp.   baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2                 large eggs
1 c.      mashed bananas (about 3 ripe)
1/3 c    vegetable oil
1/2 c     honey
1/3 c     packed brown sugar
1/2 c     chopped walnuts
1/2 c     semi-sweet chocolate chipits (optional)

Sift flour, baking soda and salt in a bowl.

Beat eggs in a separate bowl. Stir in bananas, oil, honey and brown sugar. Stir until smooth.

Stir dry ingredients into banana mixture until combined. Fold in walnuts (and chocolate chipits).

Pour batter in prepared loaf pan. Bake in preheated oven for 1 1/4 hours (325) (I start checking at around an hour) or until cake tester inserted in centre comes out clean. Let pan cool on rack for 15 minutes. Run knife around edge; turn out loaf and let cool on rack.

Note: Lining bottom of pan with waxed or parchment paper means you’ll never have trouble removing the loaf from the pan.
Posted on September 8, 2011 .

Countdown Continues. Reflections.


36 days on crutches, viewing the world from my front porch. 6 days now till the  'skewer' in my toe is removed. This existence has been surreal, but a time for friendship, reflection and a lot of reading and writing. I thought the time would drag, but this last part has gone quickly. I don't expect miracles, but I will be glad to be able to have a shower without saran wrap and a big plastic bag over my foot. I will be glad to be able to manoeuvre the stairs to the basement and do my own laundry. It will take time to walk distances and to start dancing again, but I will at least be able to put weight on the front of my right foot soon. And give the heel a rest from taking all the weight on that foot. And that day when the 'skewer' is removed will be a huge milestone even if I can't walk and dance and take the TTC for a while.

I don't suppose I'll really understand fully the value of this time until it is over. But I do know I am far more aware of the generosity of family and friends and that I have a caring community that surrounds me. This is so even though many of them live at a distance. I am grateful. And also for the time to reflect and do some serious writing and revision. And to understand my life as a writer better. If I hadn't had that work to do, I suspect the time might have dragged more.



Posted on September 3, 2011 .

Would I Lie To You? Synopsis of Latest Version of a Novel.





This is todaý's synopsis of my novel, Would I Lie To You. For the moment, I am pleased with it. As any writer knows, everything is open to revision at some later point. The process goes on and on. In any case, I have almost finished revising this novel once again and felt it needed an updated synopsis also.

 
Synopsis:

As her husband lies dying, Sue goes to see a psychic who tells her there is someone like a son in her life. She dismisses this, but at Jerry’s funeral his son turns up, a son Sue didn’t know existed. She goes to tell the psychic, Hans, and later has lunch with him. As she goes about her life, grieving, getting to know Thomas, she regrets never telling Jerry, or anyone else, about the baby girl she gave up for adoption when she herself was only sixteen. At the same time as she starts to look for her daughter, she begins to fall in love with Hans who is struggling with difficulties in his own marriage. When she finds her now grown up daughter, Gwen, they move toward an understanding of what they mean to each other in a tapestry of existing family that includes what they have built thus far. The novel is about Sue finding her long lost daughter and about reclaiming her past. It is about love, loss, betrayal, courage and, ultimately, redemption.
Posted on September 1, 2011 .

The Countdown. How A Deadline Gets Established..

Suddenly the motivation and energy to go through the novel my agent critiqued recently has descended on me. As it is, I am counting the days (sleeps) until the pin in my toe is removed and I can start to walk with full weight on that foot. It dawns on me that after this date, my life will become busier again. If I don't face the comments about this novel now, will I have time like this later? Not likely. Especially since I am already revising short stories and considering again a manuscript of my memoir. And wondering if I can finish my mystery novel in the next few months.

So I began to reread the novel called Would I Lie To You? again. Yes, I can see areas where it slows down. I can see the ambivalence of Sue, the main character, about the man who attracts her after the death of her husband. Also that she ought to start to think about the child she gave up for adoption, something she ought to have done much sooner. That theme is too important for it to be on the second tier of the story. It is likely the most important life experience for Sue to come to grips with. So I am engrossed in this now, half way through the pages. Shifting sections around. Taking sections and realigning the focus. Not sure what else yet, but it is a changed novel already. And I will likely finish tweaking it, working on it by the end of the weekend. And then I can have the conversation with the agent she suggested when we discussed her reactions just before I went for surgery.

Yes, surgery. The last day of August now and I have spent an entire month on the porch! Not venturing out into the city as I protected my foot and got around on crutches, hoping the surgery and subsequent will allow me to walk and dance again soon. And to get out and listen to readings of writers who interest me. To go to movies at TIFF. With a new appreciation of the health and freedom to do those things.


So writing has been a large part of this time even when simply watching the world go by. With the reflection that occurred in that time suggesting nothing in particular. Except perhaps as the time comes to an end, I think I will continue to appreciate more my family and friends who have been so supportive. And at the same time, have more capacity for the isolation writing demands. For a long time, I've run from it even when I've faced it. I hope that now I can face it on an ongoing basis. And without cutting or damaging my ties with the world beyond that.



Posted on August 31, 2011 .

Jack Layton Inspires A Country.

What a sad day for Canada when Jack Layton died, a truly humane politician. He has inspired a country, Canada, to be even better than we are. Hopefuly his legacy will be that no one drops the ball and especially young people and the younger politicians carry on to new heights of taking care of the most vulnerable in society.  That he could find common ground across extreme differences, or at least see that there were talking points that could lead to solutions is a rare gift in the polarized pit of politics. He was a man of courage and commitment and care. Would that he had been able to follow through in Parliament as leader of the official oppostion. His would have been a strong voice. The letter he wrote two days before his death will hopefully inspire the rest of the party. And all of us as citizens of Canada who have lost a strong and compssionate voice that spoke so eloquently for 'ordinary Canadians.'
Posted on August 23, 2011 .

Team Work.

Blueberry pie made with wild Ontario blueberries as a late afternoon treat. Earlier for lunch, hummus and spinach dip with fresh pita bread. Chicken taken out of the frig as well when my family turned up unexpectedly. All of these treats brought by friends making sure I am managing as I hobble around on my crutches.Why ever did I think I would feel bored or isolated? My friends are generous with their time and in bringing treats for my meals. Sometimes I wonder if writing a blog or article (or both) on how to set up a support team if one lives alone in a city without family in that city would suggest ideas for others to follow in similar situations. I know if anything comparable arises again, I will once again send out an email to anyone I think might like being involved on a support team as my experience has affirmed people really are willing to help out when they are asked. And that they actually like to be asked!

Here is what I did. I wrote an email letter describing the situation I faced (surgery on my foot) that would lead to a recuperation period of six weeks when I would be unable to put the front of one foot down. During that period I would be on crutches and there would be various things I would need help doing. I mentioned that in building a team my intent was to spread things around so nobody would feel they were doing too much. I also said that I was on a cancellation list for the surgery and so wouldn't have a lot of warning for when all this would happen. I was hoping to have the surgery in the summer so I could sit out on my front porch a lot, watching what was going on on the street, speaking with neighbours, reading. And since the surgery did happen at the end of July, that is exactly what I am doing. Watching the world go by from my porch or living room window.


Living a sedentary and rather quiet life is unusual for me. I am more apt to be out at a dance class or a dance. Perhaps doing yoga. Taking a long walk. Taking courses here and there. Writing is, of course, sedentary. But because that is so, I attempt to remain physically active as much as I can be in other ways. But this experience is very sedentary and isolated. Except it isn't because moving around on crutches takes a lot of different muscles and is exhausting. And due to my great support team, there is always a phone call or a visit to keep me connected to the outside world.

And the good news about writing is that in the spaces in between, I have begun to work on some stories and have revised two in the last couple of days. They are part of a collection I am working on that includes a series of linked stories, some stand-alone stories and some flash fiction. I have even included a couple of poems. So although I am not yet rereading a novel that ny agent had some reservations about, I am at least starting to write once more.

I welcome any comments, questions or suggestions!

Posted on August 20, 2011 .

Finding Time to Write When On Crutches.

With the prospect of weeks of having to remain at home off my feet, I visualized words flowing as I sat at my computer. Alas, instead I spend my time writing and responding to email as I attempt to stay in touch with the outside world. Still, I have written a couple of blog posts and done a bit of revision on a short story or two. And patted myself on the back for creating a team of friends who have been absolutely amazing in making sure I am not isolated, that I have food to eat, fresh laundry, cut grass, library books, good conversation. Oh yes, transportation, too, to medical appointments. And one friend drove me to an ice cream parlour where we had huge scoops in waffle cones that we savoured, watching the action on a busy street. A break from the chair on the front porch, which in this season is also wonderful. Neighbours come to talk when they see me with my foot wrapped in white in a black surgical sandal and my crutches leaning against the house.
           So I savour this time of friendship that has given me an incredible sense of support and of knowing how generous and caring people can be. I can be so independent most of the time that I don't ask for help and forget that is all I have to do for someone to be able to offer that help. It is also sobering to be reminded that there are people who are not so fortunate who struggle all the time with one level of disability or other. I will strive not to forget about them as time goes along and my own time on crutches ends.
           Now I will try to do a bit of writing before the day gets any older, before the phone starts to ring and the neighbour who drops off a newspaper arrives. When I have the morning Globe and Mail, I will sit out on the porch to read it and enjoy a bit of this sunny summer day before it reaches its height in terms of heat and humidity. And when the crutches are no longer necessary some time in September, I will strive to keep up with all these friends who have been so generous. I will hope that the folks who drop by will continue to do so. And I will hand out gold stars to all my wonderful friends and let them know I will be there for them when they need me.


Posted on August 17, 2011 .

My Toes. Are They Really Mine? Are They Apt to Provide Inspiration for a Story?

Is that really my foot, that somewhat swollen thing at the end of my leg? The toes are, thankfully, different. There is a pin sticking out of one that will be there for another four weeks. I won't be able to put weight on the front of that foot for that much longer. Crutches will be my regular companion, the challenge not to go fast and risk hitting the pin, or coming down on it. That would render the surgery pointless. So patience is  likely the major challenge.

Quite soon after the stitches are removed (ouch!) and the surgeon pronounces that I am doing good work (and I tell him he is), someone else rewraps the foot and, this time, covers the pin at the end of what was until the operation a wandering hammer toe. So I won't know for quite a while now if the foot will transform so that next time I see it, I will recognize it.

What does this have to do with writing? you might well ask. Maybe it means I have scads of time for it while I stick close to home to heal. Or maybe it means everything else takes so long that there is almost no time left in each day for creating anything. Not even revising a story that awaits that careful eye. What can I say? Like many experiences, I suspect I won't know until later how this one has contributed to my life in general and my writing life in particular. I don't even know if I'll write about it elsewhere.  But past experience tells me I will. And that this is likely only a beginning. After all, the idea that the foot may turn out not to be mine seems like an interesting premise.




Posted on August 13, 2011 .

Milestones in a Writing Career.

A comment on my blog caused me to start thinking about what the milestones have been around my life as a writer. In this post, I focus on workshops and retreats. I haven't included workshops I have subsequently taken through the Writers' Union around publishing, promotion, etc. Nor have I commented on the writing group I joined in 2005, something I hadn't previously thought would be helpful (how wrong I was). Nor the many single workshops I took at Humber School for Writers prior to attending a concentrated workshop in the summer of 2006. Perhaps I will write about them another day. In the meantime, I recognize they were all important, but my focus today is on workshops and retreats.

One has to be serious about one's work and have a body of work that one creates in solitude, but workshops and the community and feedback that flow from them have been critical in moving me forward and in providing milestone experiences. I also benefited from the Writer in Residence program at the University of Toronto in the 1970s when Adele Wiseman was the writer when I was a mature student at the university for a year. We became friends as well as colleagues and encouraged each other until her death in 1992. I consulted writers in residence through the Toronto Public Library as well on more than one occasion, including Austin Clarke, Janis Rapoport and Lyn Hamilton.

Note: I would be interested in other writers' comments/reflections on their experiences. The following are some of mine.



Workshop. York University, Toronto. 1970s. The writer who facilitated the group I attended was Austin Clarke who paced the front of the classroom like a caged lion. Then suddenly he would impart some pearl. I recall the phrase, 'The Fear of Invention.' It had a profound impact on me as I struggled to put stories together. On the other hand, this was the first time I had some external validation from a writer who was already established that I could write, too. I had taken one course at McGill University in the 1950s with Constance Beresford-Howe where I didn't experience validation of what I wrote then, nor did my work yet deserve it, but I did read wonderful books. In the years since, I have reread two novels in particular, Virginia Woolf's To The Lighthouse and Ethel Wilson's Swamp Angel, which still strike me as jewels.

Writers Retreat at Bracebridge, Ontario. 1980s. Sponsored and supported by the Writers' Trust a group of writers of both fiction and non fiction gathered at a lodge on a lake near Bracebridge for two weeks. This time was magical, an opportunity to work without distractions, to eat good meals in the company of other writers and to converse with colleagues in the evenings if one chose to do so. I was fortunate to meet writers such as Isabel Huggan, Jean McKay and Betty Jane Wylie while at this retreat. And to discover that there is a special way of being for writers in such an environment, a way of moving through the scenery with a dream like expression that might portend a poem, of taking a canoe out on the lake to let one's thoughts flow through at the same time as one paddles along the shore.Ways of being I took for granted in myself, but didn't usually find in friends in other fields.

Banff Centre for the Arts. Alberta. 1992. Adele Wiseman encouraged me to go to Banff where she was the Director of the Writing Program. Unfortunately she was unable to be there because of illness and died that spring. Edna Alford and Marilyn Bowering were the two writers I worked with over the six week period I was at Banff, working on Ile d'Or, a novel that was ultimately published in 2010. This workshop was a turning point in many ways. I worked with writers from across the country, for the first time participating in a group of other writers where I was also accepted as such. Mavis Gallant was the special guest for two weeks in the middle of the program and I had the privilege of an hour with her when we discussed her life as a writer and mine also. It was exciting and inspiring.During the two weeks Gallant moved among us, but this opportunity for a conversation with her on my own was a moment I still cherish.

University of New Brunswick. Fredericton. 1997. Writing Workshop. One week with Ann Copeland as facilitator. I worked on short fiction at this workshop. I chose to go because I'd heard the program was a good one, but also as an opportunity to spend time in Fredericton. After the workshop I went to St. Andrews by the Sea to meet friends with whom I drove up through New Brunswick to Riviere du Loup on the St. Lawrence in Quebec. At this workshop, I met people like Nino Ricci and Janet Lunn as well as the Acquisitions Editor, Laurel Boone, from Goose Lane Publishing. I had had much correspondence with Ms. Boone and it was a treat to meet her and speak in person.

Humber School for Writers. Toronto. 2006. At this week long workshop in July, I was assigned, much to my delight, to the group who would work with Alistair McLeod. I had decided when I retired from doing other work that it was time to work towards seeing books published. Over the years many short stories had been. So I submitted the first chapter of Ile d'Or in its latest version to this workshop. After the workshop, the book that was published first (in 2007) was a collection of short stories, One Day It Happens. At Humber, I learned from Alistair McLeod that he had accepted two of my short stories, ten years apart, for publication in the University of Windsor Review. Somehow this tied together many parts of writing experience and I felt the courage and confidence again to continue submitting my work. In the next three years, I had two books published. The short story collection, One Day It Happens, and finally, the novel, Ile d'Or. And now, I am working on others!








Posted on August 9, 2011 .

Surgery as Inspiration.


This is more about not writing than about writing. When one has had surgery and is recovering, writing a story or poem or novel seems pretty remote. However, I have made a lot of notes about my hospital experience. All the contradictions of what one is told in hospital begin to fade quickly, so the notes will still be there if I want to try to create something later. Now I am simply pondering the reality of sitting at a computer at the same time needing to keep my right leg elevated to avoid swelling of the foot where the toes in question are now recovering. Also contemplating the reality of moving with crutches for the next few weeks because I can't put the front of that foot down for quite a while. I am far more mobile than I expected to be so that's a good thing, but there are endless challenges. I will try to see them as an adventure in healing. The carrot beyond healing is to get back to dancing. Long before that I will be writing, of course!
Posted on August 5, 2011 .

READER FEEDBACK. Please let me know what you would like to read on my blog.

Since I want to develop and maintain reader interest in my blog, I am rethinking my focus and seek your comments and feedback around that. I would like to know what you, the reader, would like to see when you drop by my blog. Please leave comments. I will try to reply to all comments and questions.

Writing is the underlying river of my life. That is the origin of the title of the blog, as well as the sense that it would resonate for others who feel the same way. The flow of this river has connected many disparate parts of my experience. I began keeping a journal when I was still a teenager and have done so in some form ever since. There are more than two drawers full of lined notebooks where, if I delve into them, I find quotes or descriptions I could use in a story or novel. On the other hand, there are pages and pages that bore me now. The digital journal I began to keep about ten years ago is not as full of repetition as I record there only when something actually feels significant enough to me to do so. I also edit as I go along or when I go back to look at an entry, something I would have considered a sacrilege in younger years.

Sometimes something comes to me as a story or an idea for a story. Or for a novel. It could be a character or an event. Or even a place as was the case in my novel, Ile d'Or. And in my collection of short stories, One Day It Happens, many are set in locales that interested me and where the skeleton of a story occurred to me.

I often refer to inspiration in my blogs.There are many sources of inspiration.  I have begun to journal by taking photos, finding they also act as inspiration and/or research for a story. Ultimately though it is hard work that gets a piece of writing finished and out there in the world where readers can read it. So, after the initial idea, I know I will have to nail my butt to the chair and get on with it. How long that will take is never certain. A full draft may come quickly, but then there is the endless and ongoing revision. All of this constitutes the life of a writer.

I am also trying to set up a regular schedule for writing and posting blogs so that you will know it is worth checking back. That may be difficult over the next month as I will have surgery on my foot soon and won't have access to my computer for a week or so. But when I do, I hope I will find your comments. At that point, I will continue to post something at least once a week, keeping what you want as well as what I want to share in mind.
Posted on July 25, 2011 .

Midnight In Paris

Charming movie I saw this afternoon in a cool movie theatre on a hot day in Toronto. Lovely to be in Paris with Ernest Hemingway and Scott Fitzgerald as well as Gertrude Stein and painters like Picasso, Dali, Toulouse Lautrec for an afternoon. Best of Woody Allen's recent films, I was transported to Paris. The girlfriend character was quite shallow and her parents were caricatures, but the main character, a writer, was delightful. As were the historical cultural icons we met in the course of the film. Great way to spend a hot, humid afternoon.

Jazz in the Beaches also beckoned, but now that I feel like it it is raining. Maybe tomorrow.
Posted on July 23, 2011 .

Brockton Writing Series. Audience. July 6, 2011

The Brockton Writing Series was started by Farzana Doctor and is now a regular monthly reading held in Toronto's west end Parkdale area. One of the readers last evening was Antanas Sileika and you can see him sitting in the background before his turn at the podium. He read from his new novel, Underground, ending on a very dramatic note that ensured readers for this intriguing book. The other readers were Diana Fitzgerald Bryden and Ian Malczewski. Diana read from her award winning novel, No Place Strange, from sections set in Beirut and Athens. Ian, an urban planner as well as a writer, read some of his poetry.


There are always interesting book launches and readings going on in Toronto. A good place to live as a writer, but also sometimes it is hard to get down to the ongoing, difficult work of writing. This series provides a sense of community with a forum at the beginning for writers to speak with each other. It was led last night by Sileika under his other hat of Director of the Humber School for Writers. He gave information about the programs at HSW and also discussed language and what constitutes good writing with some memorable examples.

The woman in white in the photograph is Sandra Campbell, Ontario representative for the Writers' Union. I am the one behind her and next to me is Jasmine d'Costa.
Posted on July 7, 2011 .

Toronto Island. July 2011. Inspiration without photographs

Early in the morning today, I left on the spur of the moment to go to Toronto Island. In my bag I had a book to read. I would look for a shady spot overlooking water. I had forgotten that I would be traveling in rush hour, crammed into the subway. I stood holding onto a pole in the middle of the car, almost cheek to cheek with the other passengers with our hands arranged up and down the pole. Behind me I felt butts pressing into me, hips beside me. The two pole grippers on either side of me began to talk.
     "Where did you get your coffee?" the man asked.
     "I made it," she said, screwing the top back on the thermos.
     "It smells good," I said spontaneously and their heads jerked toward me and away. There was silence. I wasn't there. I ought to have observed the etiquette of rush hour. No jumping into strangers' conversations. Acting as if no one around can hear anything you say to each other. And as if you actually can't hear them. I stared straight ahead, said nothing. After a while they resumed their conversation. I remained quiet. She pulled up google on her cell and asked about the best route to take to work. Their outfits both bore the insignia of the City. Parks I seem to recall, but I don't know. He suggested going east on the subway instead of going down to Queen. So she got off at Bloor and he at Queen and I continued on to Union Station. In silence.
     On the ferry, I realized I hadn't brought my camera. There would be no photos of whatever caught my eye, whatever might act as inspiration for a hot day in Toronto. There are no photos to post here. But it was a good outing for the morning. I took the ferry to Hanlan's Point because it was the first one leaving the ferry docks in downtown Toronto. When I arrived I meandered for a while, occasionally sat down to read the book I'd brought with me (The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins). Sat on a bench and watched birds fly across the blue sky, listened to the waves on the sandy shore.
     When I glanced back behind me, I saw the tall buildings of downtown and the CN Tower. This is the life, I thought, as I wandered gradually back to the ferry at Centre Island. Along the way, I discovered a new park for children I will go back to explore one day. And much to my surprise, actually began to write this piece in my head at the same time as I decided to incorporate a couple of poems into a manuscript I am working on. It's a collection of short pieces, many of them linked. Why not a handful of poems? There is one photograph in the manuscript already and there may be others.
     Let's see!
Posted on July 5, 2011 .

Public Lending Right. 25th Anniversary.

http://www.writersunion.ca/plr.asp

Check out this link at the Writers Union for comments on the public lending right. TWUC celebrated the 25th anniversary of this momentous support of writers'work at the AGM in Toronto this spring. The booklet contains the comments of many Canadian writers (including those of yours truly). And also included is a photgraph of the cover of my novel, published in 2010.
Posted on June 16, 2011 .

THE WRITER'S LIFE. Ancestors.

These two people are my ancestors. Actually they are my great grandparents on my mother's side. The woman is directly descended from Louis Hebert, the first French settler in Canada. Therefore, so am I. The man is of Irish descent. I understand it was a turbulent marriage!

I was pondering photographs as I finished working on a piece of fiction. Looking for ideas, perhaps. 
Posted on June 16, 2011 .